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RADIANTBABY'S CREATIVE JOURNAL
An Icy Reprieve, Part 1/1 
24th-Jan-2009 03:33 am
DW -- doctor vulnerable
Title: An Icy Reprieve
Author: radiantbaby
Rating: R, for non-explicit sex and dark themes
Prompt: 44. Sun. [doctorwho_100]
Claim: Ten/Martha
Table: Here
Word count: 575
Characters/Pairing: Ten/Martha
Spoilers: S3 – "42"
Summary: After the events on the SS Pentallian, the Doctor tries to deal with his resultant emotions from what happened to him there, while also trying to come to terms with his growing affection for Martha.
Disclaimer: All your Doctor Who are belong to us Sadly, I own nothing related to Doctor Who. I am just playing around in their sandbox for a bit of fun.


Author Notes: This story takes place after the events of my story Exploring the Universe, but can also be read on its own [with the concept in mind that this is about an already established romantic relationship, even if it is still in the early stages, natch].

Thank you to my betas persiflage_1 and fourzoas!

Feedback is happy-making, so please leave a word or two if so inclined [even if I am a bit slack in responding, your comments always make my day]. Concrit [and any beta-ish comments] welcomed.

===


Cold. Alone.

The needles of bitter-cold water seem to almost poke and prickle his skin as it rushes in waves over his body’s insistent residual warmth, leaving him shivering in the spray of the shower.

Cold – yes, a deeply desired icy reprieve, he muses.

It’s been less than an hour since they’d left the SS Pentallian, but he is still rather far from any renewed sense of calm or, more importantly, any palpable escape from the horrid heat still lingering within tiny indiscriminate parts of his limbs, like a relentless virus just clinging to him.

The sun-borne entity had pushed itself inside him, overwhelming him as it pressed everything that he was to the edges of his consciousness, as if to squeeze his very essence from him out through the ancient cracks left by his past sorrows and pain --

What lingered now was not only the relief from its elimination, but the fear that it had been so very close to taking him over completely.

(And that a part of him – somewhere deep, somewhere damaged – likes that).

+ + +


He can sense her– his Martha – in the next room, waiting and worried for him, though the words for this will never pass between them, the two of them too stubborn to give voice to the truth of feelings held within.

Part of him wants to run from her, ashamed by his moment of weakness before her that day, and part of him wants run to her, to hide within her curled wings of sheltering affection.

He feels more unsure about himself than he thinks he ever has before --

And he hates himself for it.

+ + +


He stands there frozen, fist raised in mid-air, poised before rapping against her closed door, contemplating.

When had he let her get so far under his skin? When did he blink and find her so close that she had insinuated herself into every fibre of his being? And when did it come to be that she burned within him like that sun had, mining his insides, carving him inside out, leaving so little that was recognizable left?

He thought he could pretend that his fear had been solely from the alien parasitic entity that had pushed itself within him, violating him.

But the truth is, what he is really afraid of -- more than anything in this moment -- is his (deepening) feelings for her.

I’m scared, I’m so scared.

+ + +


He pushes himself inside her, trying to even the score, trying to fill her completely as he’d been filled, overwhelm her completely the way he’d been overwhelmed –

-- Burn her the way he’d burnt (for her).

When she cries a bit at the end -- likely startled by his uncharacteristically rough seduction – he feels almost as if it is a small victory, her tears exposing the bits of herself slipping through her own cracks, showing him that she is broken too, and that he is not alone (in this).

She sleeps in her own bed, in her own room, that night, but he is soon behind her, beside her, with a fountain of whispered apologies and gentle caresses to help counteract her fears of the storm – his (Oncoming) storm -- from earlier.

She is reticent, unsure, but she lets him in, and in those hours, in the dark of her room, their broken pieces perhaps finally fit together a bit better now.
Comments 
24th-Jan-2009 09:54 am (UTC)
This did such a great job of capturing the intensity of '42' for me (being as that is one of my fave Nu!Who episodes). That the Doctor's helplessness was welcomed by some part of him, and that a different kind of helplessness is reflected in his feelings for Martha,and the fact that both of these scare him was an interesting connection to make.

He pushes himself inside her, trying to even the score, trying to fill her completely as he’d been filled, overwhelm her completely the way he’d been overwhelmed

It's almost as if he's raising the bar, trying to achieve some level of intimacy with her that they hadn't/couldn't have achieved before, perhaps because he'd not been vulnerable enough to allow himself to connect with or seek out that vulnerability in her. The way it played out-- both during & after--- did a great job of showing that search for balance & connection that he (especially) is struggling with.


So in short, I liked this lots! :D
24th-Jan-2009 10:53 am (UTC)
This is my favourite sentence of the fic:

Part of him wants to run from her, ashamed by his moment of weakness before her that day, and part of him wants run to her, to hide within her curled wings of sheltering affection.

At some point I want to play with the idea of the image of him hiding in Martha's shelter...

But I loved the whole fic - it's just the right length and conveys beautifully some of what he was feeling after being possessed.
24th-Jan-2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
As usual, gorgeous, and I love the idea that he sees her as a vessel into which he can pour his pain. The last line is this wonderous mash of careful and cautious negotiation--not a perfect fit, might not even fit at all, if she even becomes certain. Lovely!
24th-Jan-2009 07:01 pm (UTC)
Once again you're written a amazing story! Bravo:D
24th-Jan-2009 09:12 pm (UTC)
really well done :D matches my thoughts about what happened after "42" entirely ;)
24th-Jan-2009 10:52 pm (UTC)
After what happened in "42", I find how you portrayed Ten in this fic - with how he felt coupled with his uncertainty about his deepening relationship with Martha - to be spot on. I'm sure it was a rather unnerving experience for him - how could he not react this way?

I feel for Martha - having to be at the receiving end of him trying to work out his dilemma. I'm glad that he makes a move to apologize to her in the end. The last line was absolutely lovely - subtle yet in line with the tone of the rest of the fic.

She sleeps in her own bed, in her own room, that night, but he is soon behind her, beside her, with a fountain of whispered apologies and gentle caresses to help counteract her fears of the storm – his (Oncoming) storm -- from earlier.

I just really liked this bit - how it was written and how the Doctor was trying to apologize to her (for something almost unforgivable - Martha shouldn't have to put up with that! :().
25th-Jan-2009 02:04 am (UTC)
*gasps, weeping* It is written like poetry, or a song you want to hear again, and again, and again. Beautiful in the way he seeks her out, understands her value more. Wants more. Those last lines kill me with awe.

Brilliant and wonderful!
28th-Jan-2009 04:14 am (UTC)
Yes, I loved 42. I'm in love with Ten/Martha relationship now than ever before. Excellent work.
31st-Jan-2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
This was so wonderful to read. It fits in with all my shippy sentiments about what happened after 42 which had some of my favourite moments in series 3. But it's also the unsureness of the Doctor I enjoyed reading and the idea of himself feeling violated by his deepening feelings. That and his response to it was actually quite scary, but it was done in a tender manner thats almost unspeakable in its balance.

xx
11th-Feb-2009 09:02 am (UTC)
Perfect...sheer, utter, perfection.
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