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RADIANTBABY'S CREATIVE JOURNAL
The World Spins So Fast, That I Might Fly Off, Part 1/1 
15th-Apr-2008 07:40 am
DW -- doctor vulnerable
Title: The World Spins So Fast, That I Might Fly Off
Author: radiantbaby
Characters/Pairings: Ten/Martha
Word Count: 1117
Genre: Fluffy and Somewhat Angsty Romance
Rating: R [small mentions of sex, but nothing too graphic]
Spoilers: Post-S3, with vague allusions to “Lonely TARDIS Scene” in “Partners in Crime” [though you don’t need to have seen that episode to read this]
Summary: An analysis of the Doctor’s feelings after Martha left.
Beta: The supercalifragilisticexpialidocious persiflage_1!
Disclaimer: All your Doctor Who are belong to us Sadly, I own nothing related to Doctor Who et al, or Martha would have been treated better in S3.
Author Notes: Well, I am in the middle of a Ten/Martha/Jack fic, but since it has been a bit of a challenge, I decided to take a break from it and write this ficlet (especially after the aforementioned scene in “Partners in Crime” just kept haunting me). I am a bit nervous with this one, so I hope you guys like it. Oh, and the title is from a line in the Duran Duran song, “The Sound of Thunder”, if that matters to anyone. Thanks so much to the super-dooper persiflage_1 who beta’d this piece – girl, you are, as always, a star! Any other mistakes are all mine. Feedback is happy-making, so please leave a word or two [even if I am a bit slack in responding, your comments always make my day].


====


Sometimes he would talk to her.

Martha was no longer there – weeks before she’d triumphantly walked out through the doors of the TARDIS, taking a piece of him with her, leaving him broken again. Nevertheless, sometimes the Doctor would still find himself talking to her – sometimes simply forgetting that she was gone and sometimes just pretending she was still there – but the cavernous echoes of his voice reverberating against the metal hollows of his ship only seemed to harshly reflect the emptiness he was feeling inside.

Tears would sting his eyes as he would make his apologies – loud, shouting, desperate apologies at the walls, at the floor, at the ceiling, everywhere, anywhere – to Martha that would hang heavy in the air like smoke from burning remains that curled around him like a blanket of despair, almost suffocating him.

These spoken apologies were never heard though – at least by the one they were meant for – for he was alone -- so very alone – in his ship. A ship of (a) fool(s).

Martha had walked away from him, but sometimes he hoped weaving wounded words to her would help mend that fiercely wide space between them. He hoped he could utilize the protracted strings of his sentences to tie up the frayed loose ends of what he had done to her, pulling things back together as they tightened, settings things to rights.

Sometimes he wished he were a seamsmaster.

---

Sometimes he would dream of her.

In dreams, Martha would often walk through the door of the TARDIS again, her eyes shining and her face filled with that beautiful curiosity it had still held before he took it away -- before months of his poorly calculated emotional dissonance and then a year that never was took it from her.

She would walk up to him and he would embrace her, pulling her into his arms and up into the air, spinning her around and around as if the two of them were floating, flying, weightless (both in mass and in emotion) out in the space outside the TARDIS doors. He would put her down, dizzy with the motion and heady with her missed closeness, and lean down to kiss her. In the dreams she would always gasp in surprise from his kiss, but soon smile up at him in a way that made everything feel as if it were spinning around again.

Sometimes in those dreams he would make love to her, chanting apologies like mantras against the skin he licked and kissed, whispering affection against the shell of her ear as he pushed himself inside her again and again.

As he moved deeply inside her – their bodies pressed against one another deliciously as he filled her – he would find himself hoping that he could also fill all the sad places within her with the love he was feeling and hoped he could also fill all his own sad places with the love he wished she still felt.

Sometimes in those dreams her warm and naked body would be wrapped around his as she slept languidly in his arms, her soft contented sighs easing his pain. The Doctor would hold Martha’s body to him, weeping quietly in joy at their closeness, praying that she would somehow, someday, understand that he really did love her and that he was just absolutely rubbish – always had been, really – at expressing his feelings. Over 900 years of life and he still was a mess in matters of love.

He would wake to find his bed empty and cold and, in those moments, Martha always seemed further away than ever.

Sometimes he wished he could never remember his dreams.

---

Sometimes he would speak of her.

Sometimes the Doctor would tell stories about Martha to anyone who would listen – aliens, random humans, trees, animals, anyone – sprinkling words about her across the universe, weaving her into the fabric of time and space, much like she'd done for him as she walked the Earth.

People would probably write epic poetry about him, he thought – a mysterious man who frequented bars in the far reaches of the galaxy, regaling late night patrons in dark corners with tales of how he had gambled with his emotions and lost someone who meant so much to him. People would probably write songs about him as well – they would sing of the tragedy of a lonely man, the last of his kind, the man who saves so many, the man who loved and lost.

He didn’t want their tributes, though. Yes, it stroked the expanse of his ego, but in the late hours of the night, in the cold darkness of his solitude, he knew he only wanted tribute to her – a human woman who had single-handed saved the universe and barely got a thank you from his stubborn lips.

Sometimes he wished he’d spoken to her back then – back when she was traveling with him, back when she was leaving him.

---

One time he finally visited her.

A slap cracked against his cheek, a dull ache stinging his jaw, once the Doctor appeared in his ship just inside Martha’s living room. She shouted at him for the intrusion, he pulled away from her in shame, she softened and briefly touched his cheek (the heat of her palm canceling out the pain), he stiffened and forgot all the words he’d wanted to say.

They stood before one another, eyes sizing each other up, their body language the only thing spoken between them. They were both guarded, yet open, and it seemed that neither of them knew what to do next.

Martha finally slowly moved toward him, pressing herself against him as her arms wrapped around his back in a hug. His mind was reeling from the sudden proximity, but he still pulled her tightly into an embrace and then picked her up, swinging her around and around and around, just like his dreams, just like all those times he thought of them reuniting –

He set her down, everything still spinning around them in a way where the Doctor wasn’t sure if he was just feeling the turn of the Earth beneath him or just succumbing to the butterflies wreaking havoc in his belly.

He leaned in to kiss her and she gasped just like his dreams.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered against her lips after he kissed her, pressing his words against her, trying his best to make sure they stuck.

He felt her lips curl into a smile against his and he knew that he didn’t want to be anywhere else in the universe in that moment.

This time he knew for certain he was in love.
Comments 
15th-Apr-2008 12:02 pm (UTC)
Beta: The supercalifragilisticexpialidocious persiflage_1!

*giggles* Mad fool ! :P

I loved this fic so much - my brain and heart nearly exploded with squee!

I especially liked Ten dreaming of Martha - and I confess to a small amount of glee towards the end when she slaps him, but the glee grew when she hugged him and he kissed her...

And the last line made me giddy !
15th-Apr-2008 12:13 pm (UTC)
Oooo, love this! Love your stuff in general.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:26 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I am glad to have a fan! :)
15th-Apr-2008 12:58 pm (UTC)
Oh dear, this was beautiful! I just loved the whole thing...the idea of the Doctor going around telling everybody (random Trees and animals...for some reason I pictured like, Wookiees and kitty-cats...ignore me, I'm weird) and then sitting in a dark bar like Han Solo or something, just telling everybody about Martha, like some sort of folk tale, like she did for him in the Year that Never Was--that was amazing! Talking to himself in the Tardis, and that dream! Oh.

This was my favorite part: These spoken apologies were never heard though – at least by the one they were meant for – for he was alone -- so very alone – in his ship. A ship of (a) fool(s). . Just perfect.

Fantastic! :D
23rd-Apr-2008 03:27 am (UTC)
I am so happy that you enjoyed it so much! Thanks for the compliments! :)
15th-Apr-2008 01:06 pm (UTC)
I really, really want to believe in this Doctor -- the one who reaches out instead of pulling back.

I absolutely love this line: sprinkling words about her across the universe, weaving her into the fabric of time and space, much like she did for him as she had walked the Earth.

But may I suggest "like she'd done for him as she walked the Earth"?
23rd-Apr-2008 03:29 am (UTC)
Yeah, I really want to believe in this Doctor as well. I have higher hopes for him since the start of S4, but I am still worried about getting my hopes dashed once we have Martha back on screen. *worries*

But may I suggest "like she'd done for him as she walked the Earth"?

Thanks for the suggestion -- I updated the text. :)
15th-Apr-2008 01:17 pm (UTC)
I really loved the reunion passage ("Martha finally slowly moved toward him... just like all those times he thought of them reuniting -"). I loved the fact that it mirrored his dreams. :-) It was very sweet. :-) yay!
23rd-Apr-2008 03:29 am (UTC)
I am so glad that you liked it! Thanks for commenting! :)
15th-Apr-2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
Remind me never to read your fics when I'm listening to Elliot Smith. This was just beautiful, I can't even pick which part of it is my favorite, every part of it was stellar ♥

Guh, I want to hug something! *hugs lamp due to lack of any other object to hug*
23rd-Apr-2008 03:31 am (UTC)
Awww, I love-love-love Elliot Smith and I am happy that he made a good (if not emotional, I am assuming) soundtrack to my story!

Thanks so much for the compliments!

hugs lamp due to lack of any other object to hug*

Awww, lamplove! :)
15th-Apr-2008 03:10 pm (UTC)
This is fantastic.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:32 am (UTC)
Thanks! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
15th-Apr-2008 05:08 pm (UTC) - This Time
Aww...this was sweet. That was a rather good scene in the 1st episode of the new season, wasn't it? It really hit home that he was alone again...and I liked that he actually spoke of his regret in how he treated Martha.

You did a good job continuing with that vein. ^_^
23rd-Apr-2008 03:32 am (UTC) - Re: This Time
Thanks so much for the compliments -- I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
15th-Apr-2008 05:59 pm (UTC)
Aw.
15th-Apr-2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness! That was sooooo good! Why can't this happen?! I could say why, but I will not do so. Anyway, this was incredible! I loved every bit of it!!!!
23rd-Apr-2008 03:33 am (UTC)
I am so glad that you enjoyed the story so much! Thanks for the compliments! :)
15th-Apr-2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
*wibbles*

Thank you. Just... thank you.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:34 am (UTC)
Awww.

No, thank you.
15th-Apr-2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
Nngh :( Make it happen for reals! This is how the Doctor should feel.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:35 am (UTC)
I wish I could make it happen, especially because it is my fanon belief that the Doctor loves Martha more than he is letting on (she just had bad timing coming into his life)!

*sigh*
23rd-Apr-2008 03:41 am (UTC)
IAWTC. I will shun canon when it doesn't happen as such.
16th-Apr-2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Oh that was utterly lovely. Well done.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:35 am (UTC)
Thank you! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
24th-Apr-2008 12:00 pm (UTC)
You;re welcome!
16th-Apr-2008 02:12 am (UTC)
This is wonderfully sweet.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:36 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! :)
16th-Apr-2008 02:17 am (UTC)
That was beautiful, and wonderful, and love for the second to last part. I could see him doing that. This is how it should happen.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:36 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
16th-Apr-2008 02:40 am (UTC)
This fic is made of sooo much win!! ^_^
23rd-Apr-2008 03:37 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks so much! I am so glad that you enjoyed it so much! :)
16th-Apr-2008 04:29 am (UTC)
He felt her lips curl into a smile against his and he knew that he didn’t want to be anywhere else in the universe in that moment.

This time he knew for certain he was in love.


Egads!! but that was lovely. If only S4 could have the Doctor voicing his emotions instead of holding them inside.

And him singing the praises of Martha throughout the Universe? Simply awesome.

Loved it.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:38 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks so much for the compliments! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)

If only S4 could have the Doctor voicing his emotions instead of holding them inside.

*sigh* I wish...
16th-Apr-2008 05:05 am (UTC)
This was very, very lovely. Kudos on a job extremely well done.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:38 am (UTC)
Thanks so much, I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
(Deleted comment)
23rd-Apr-2008 03:39 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for the wonderful compliments! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
16th-Apr-2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
This was very beautiful. I enjoyed it immensely. Thank you!
23rd-Apr-2008 03:39 am (UTC)
No, thank you! I am so happy that you enjoyed it! :)
16th-Apr-2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
Loved it!!
“I am so sorry,” he whispered against her lips after he kissed her, pressing his words against her, trying his best to make sure they stuck.
I think I felt my knees go weak after reading that! Great job!
23rd-Apr-2008 03:40 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks so much for the wonderful compliments! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! :)
23rd-Apr-2008 03:56 am (UTC)
Just speaking the truth! :-)
17th-Apr-2008 07:17 pm (UTC)
This was so touching. I've always been such a sucker for a good love story.

A bit depressing, as well. It reminds me of not having anyone new in my life.

Oh well, life goes on.
18th-Apr-2008 05:17 am (UTC)
I'm with everyone else in that this is filled with what we've been waiting the hear and we heard it in the most passionate and descriptive manner that ORB (Old Rusty Bastard) would never be able to pull off in a million years.

he would find himself hoping that he could also fill all the sad places within her with the love he was feeling and hoped he could also fill all his own sad places with the love he wished she still felt.

I read that line several times. Deep. No pun intended...
well...:o)He he.

What I enjoy so much about you and Pers' fics (and when you guys tag team on the Beta forget about it!), is that I'm a woman without any kind of angst or UST, but I really like DW which is filled with angst and UST, so reading good fic balances all that and allows me to watch ORB's TV show. I'm able to watch him get it wrong repeatedly because I know it'll be set right in the most delicious way.

And as for Duran Duran...you took me back! It was watching Hungry Like the Wolf even at a young age and thinking, "I need a white boi and some body paint!" Um, um, um. I know I'm wrong, but it's OK :o)
23rd-Apr-2008 03:48 am (UTC)
Thank you for all of the wonderful compliments (I always look forward to your commentary -- did you see "Playing Doctor" yet? *wink wink nudge nudge*)! YAY! :)

What I enjoy so much about you and Pers' fics (and when you guys tag team on the Beta forget about it!), is that I'm a woman without any kind of angst or UST, but I really like DW which is filled with angst and UST, so reading good fic balances all that and allows me to watch ORB's TV show. I'm able to watch him get it wrong repeatedly because I know it'll be set right in the most delicious way.

I seem to be unable to write without angst or UST cropping up in my fics -- I guess it makes for good dramatic tension. I am glad that you enjoy that angle of my stories, even if you are not angsty or UST-y yourself. :)

And as for Duran Duran...you took me back! It was watching Hungry Like the Wolf even at a young age and thinking, "I need a white boi and some body paint!" Um, um, um. I know I'm wrong, but it's OK :o)

LOL! You know, one thing that I always liked about Duran Duran was their more varied expressions of female beauty in their music videos. They always had people of many ethnicities and didn't fall into the trap of only-blonde = beautiful that much of the media tends to. While I am technically a white girl, with my olive complexion and dark features (I am of Italian descent), I have never fit into the more "white ideal" of beauty. Duran Duran taught me that I was beautiful anyway. Gah, I hope that made sense...


23rd-Apr-2008 04:48 am (UTC)
I'vr been out all day but am heading over to LJ to find "Playing Doctor" now. I'm sooooooo juiced :o)
18th-Apr-2008 06:19 am (UTC)
O.M.G!!! I'm blown away by this fic! It's so beautifully written. Honestly, this is the best Ten/Martha fic I've read. Wow! I'm very, very impressed. You're awesomely talented. Do you have a fanfiction.net account? If so and if you posted it there, I would definitely add this to my favorites. Thank you so much for sharing a wonderful story! :D
23rd-Apr-2008 03:50 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you for the wonderful compliments! I am so happy that you enjoyed the story so much! :)

Do you have a fanfiction.net account? If so and if you posted it there, I would definitely add this to my favorites.

I have a Teaspoon account, but not an ff.net account. Do you think I should get one?
23rd-Apr-2008 08:24 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. It really is an awesome story! :D

I also have a Teaspoon account. You should get a ff.net account because it's a great place to post fics and get reviews. I've been a member there since 2003 and received positive feedback from several stories I've written. Let me know if you join.

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